if.net

The house has been shown a few times.  A couple nibbles but nothing solid.  Over the weekend the "freakout" began to set in.  Not freaking out at the move itself, filled with it's uncertainty, but at the fact that this is do or die.  This leads me to the song LOSING IT by RUSH.  Just this small part, though the entire song is genius:

"Some are born to move the world ---
To live their fantasies
But most of us just dream about
The things we'd like to be

Sadder still to watch it die
Than never to have known it
For you -- the blind who once could see ---
The bell tolls for thee... "

As we look at the house possibly selling, this closes this chapter in our lives.  If we go out there and do not make it, we have nothing to come back to.  The meager amount that will be made off the house will go to the actual act of moving out there.  We will land in our new home.....with nothing but what we take with us.  

Sure, since my job comes to an end I can draw unemployment from Indiana while I look for a job, but that isn't survival money.  This is a frightful thing to keep thinking about.  

I have contacts in California but they are just people who might be able to give me leads.  No sure thing.  The $10,000 that the Sanyo contest 'might' bring was a small glimmer of hope but even that glimmer seems to be fading.

What this might end up spelling is me becoming the adventurous soul heading west to make it and then sending for my family.  This isn't a dream that I am going to let die but at the same time I will not put my family at risk by following something foolish.  

We had a "rainy day fund" but that went away due to a very large unexpected repair to the car.  I write this, not looking for pity, more votes or anything of that nature.  This is more of a therapeutic blog than anything else and to let those who are curious in on the current situation.

My spirits are still up, despite the dismal turn of events.  We are sitting down and evaluating every single cost so we have no doubts what this move will cost and how long we have to survive before taking "any old job" vs a job in film/tv/video.

Thanks for reading and thank you for your support.